


Chaos Theory

by Ryk3ld



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Genji is overdramatic, Hanzo is a Little Shit, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Mouse!Hanzo, Shitpost in story form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 14:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16703878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryk3ld/pseuds/Ryk3ld
Summary: Talon turns Hanzo into a mouse, and chaos ensues.





	Chaos Theory

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to Vulp and Lumi! These two crazies came up with the whole idea.

He had no clue how Talon had done it, but here he was, _a mouse._ A fucking mouse. He'd been stuck this way for days already, Winston and Angela puzzling over ways to change him back. He was incredibly lucky to have Jesse to take care of him. Well... Sort of? He'd been living in Jesse's dresser, which was incredibly messy, but it kept him warm in the Gibraltar spring.

Jesse had been wonderful, bringing him food, and carrying him around in his tshirt pocket, but when Hanzo saw the dollhouse, something snapped. A bright pink castle with the door open lay before him. Looking at Jesse with what would've shown as incredulity on his human face, Jesse just shrugs. "'s what I could get on such short notice, darlin'." Wishing he could express his frustration properly, he turns and walks away. "Now, don' be like that! 's all they had!" The desperation in his darling's voice makes Hanzo reconsider. Doing his closest approximation of a sigh, he turns and walks back toward the hideous thing. He will get his revenge later. For now, he will play along. Walking into the habitat, he wonders at how awful it truly is. A wheel in the center, and tubes on each side. He supposes the wheel will at least be useful, if only to keep him from dying of boredom.

Surprisingly, Hammond comes to visit him. After a long talk, they conspire. Hanzo had told him about the godawful house, and Hammond happened to know where a lighter was. Having sent the offending thing up in a blaze, they run off to get revenge on Genji, who was most certainly part of the decision. Having snuck into his room via the air vents and pure indignation, Hanzo crawls under his bed to look for a target. Finding suitably important material (Genji's stash of doujins), Hanzo lights those on fire as well. Making his escape right as Genji enters the room, the adrenaline sends thrills up his rodent spine. After a few minutes, an indignant yell of "Nani?!?!?" could be heard throughout the entire base. The closest Hanzo can get to evil laughter is a small squeak, which is not nearly as satisfying. Scuttling back to Jesse's room, he finally feels slightly better.

The look on Jesse's face is priceless. He gasps in surprise. "Babe, what happened?!" Hanzo does his best to not sound guilty, but he doesn't know if he succeeded or not. "'thena, did Hammond ever give you his translator?" "He did." "Can ya translate poor Hanzo's squeakin' for me then?" "Gladly, Agent McCree." Hanzo hopes the translator will work on him too... "He says 'I am tired of this nonsense. I am fine sleeping in the dresser, I do not need these.... _things._ I cannot wait to be myself again.'" Jesse looks at him, sighing. "Y'know they're doin' their best, sugarplum. It's gonna take a while, Moira's been cookin' up stuff no one else even has a clue about, but Angie's on it!" "'I know. That does not make this any less infuriating or embarrassing.'" Athena's smooth voice adds. "Aww, sweetiepie, no need ta' be embarrassed. 's not like it was your fault!" More squeaking. "'No, but no one will ever respect me after this.'" Sitting on his hind legs, Hanzo's shoulders slump. "Yer worried 'bout your high-an'-mighty mask?" "'It is _not_ a mask.'" Jesse cannot help but laugh, Athena's attempts at imitating his boyfriend's intonation are so terrible and off-the-mark as to be ridiculous. "Sure, sugarpie. How 'bout this, I'll getcha somethin' new 'fore my mission tomorrow?" Hanzo is about to say no when there's a knock on the door. Pressing his palm to the sensor, Jesse is greeted by an infuriated Genji. "Woah there, pard'ner, what's up?" "McCree, where is my brother?" He grits out, his voice barely modulated. "He's gettin' tested right now, whatcha need?" "When he is done, we need to _talk_." Genji nearly spits  out. "Alright, I'll tell 'im when I go get him." Genji only nods and walks off, the door closing behind him "Okay, dollface, yer gonna need ta tell me whatcha did 'fore he realizes I was lyin'." Angry squeaking comes from a pile of clothes. "'He is likely blaming me for something stupid.'" "Izzat common between you two?" "'Very.'" Silence reigns for a while, before Hanzo gives in to his guilt. "'I burned his stash.'" Jesse looks at the speaker in the ceiling, startled. "You _what._ " "'I burned his stash of magazines.'" The confession sounded hilarious, being said in Athena's voice. "Well no wonder he's pissed. Shouldn'ta protected ya from that one!" "'He had it coming.'" Was Hanzo's only response. 

Sure enough, Jesse'd gotten him another "house" to live in. This one was much more tolerable, looking like a grey barn rather than some young girl's dream. Jesse was forced, due to an urgent mission, to leave him with Genji, who'd still not fully simmered down from the incident yesterday. "That wasn't cool, brother." Noncommittal squeaks are his only reply. "We will discuss this when you're back to normal." Genji sighs, leaving Hanzo with his food. Deciding to play one more prank on his brother (he'll claim that he wasn't in his right mind at the time), Hanzo scuttles off to hide in the air vents. Falling asleep, he is only awakened when he hears the rumble of Athena, and a shrill robotic reply. He hears shouting and swearing in Japanese moving around the wing. It starts " _ Hanzo I swear if you don't come out right now, I'll strangle you myself" _ and ends " _ Fucking shit, where the hell has he gone? After all this fucking work we've done?! I cannot believe this." _ Eventually, he hears the door slide open, and a heavy object fall onto the bed. Quiet sobbing reaches his ears, and an awful guilt settles like a rock in his stomach. Why had he done this? What point had this even served? He wasn't even sure Genji knew why he did this. So petty of him. Stupid. Here he had been professing trying to be better, and he hurts Genji again. Slowly, he scuttles back to their room. He's almost glad that he can't apologise. Climbing onto Genji's bed, he crawls up to his brother's sleeping face. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, he squeaks to get his attention. Genji's eyes snap open with a sleepy "Wha'?" Startled by the extreme closeup, Genji squeaks before almost bellowing. " _ Brother! You scared me to death! I thought you'd gone and gotten yourself killed!" _ Head drooping, Hanzo knows it's useless to apologise right now. Startling Hanzo by kissing him on the head, Genji sighs. " _ It's ok, brother. I'm just glad you're alright." _ Unsure what to do, Hanzo goes back into the terrarium and ponders his existence.

The cowboy was only gone for a day, to both Shimadas' relief. Having moved back in with his darling, Hanzo decides to cause more trouble. He cannot believe he's doing this, but messing with Jesse is just too fun to pass up. Clambering back up to Jesse's underwear drawer, Hanzo grins (or would be, if he had the facial mobility), and sets to chewing holes in the crotch of every pair of underwear his boyfriend owns. Hanzo would cackle if he could, knowing Jesse will have to go commando for a week or more after this. Having finished his task, he decides to go back and have a nap in the mini barn.

He wakes again when Jesse saunters into the room. "Hey darlin', havin' fun without me?" Hanzo attempts a shrug, frustrated at how poorly his current form can communicate. Jesse starts eating on the bed, and Hanzo scuttles over to join him. Cuddled next to his beau's leg, Hanzo can't think of anything (other than being back to normal, of course) that could make him happier. Then he sees the food on Jesse's lap, and his stomach growls. Skittering up, he grabs a fry and runs to the base of the dresser, turning and nibbling on the pilfered food. "Y'know, ya coulda asked. I'da gladly given ya one." Jesse chuckles. Amused, he decides to pick his rodent boyfriend up and put him on his shoulder. Nervous, Hanzo holds on for dear life with his claws. "Aw, I won' letcha fall." After a short snuggle, Jesse puts Hanzo back in the condo and heads to the shower. Hanzo waits with baited breath to see heis reaction. Sure enough, Jesse comes out, only covered by a towel, and rifles through his drawer, cursing with each ruined pair he finds. "Babe, what the hell?! What is wrong with you?!" Hanzo looks at him blankly, hoping for once that his expression is readable. "You're outta yer mind. What the hell?" Jesse's holding his head in his hands while pacing. "This's messed up yer noggin somethin' fierce. Are we even gonna get alla you back?" He sits back down, crying, still only wrapped in a bath towel. Suddenly standing, he dresses quickly. "'m gonna go do anything I can ta help Winston. We'll get you back, sugarplum." He marches off, leaving Hanzo wishing he could communicate now more than ever. Seeing his precious cowboy sad breaks what little heart he has left.

The next day, Angela finds the cure. Talon had resorted to some form of bizarre alchemy, it seemed. The relief on everyone's faces cannot match the relief Hanzo himself feels. Jesse and Genji sandwich him in a hug for minutes on end before either would let go. " _ Please, never scare me like that again." _ Genji begs. " _ I cannot make any promises." _ Hanzo tries to be lighthearted, but he'd been just as scared. Jesse is choking on tears, opening his mouth to say something only to fail. Hanzo brings Jesse's hand to his face. "It is alright. I am back." At that, Jesse nearly tackles him in a hug, and rocks back and forth. "God, darlin', I wasn't sure they'd ever find the fix. I..." He chokes on another sob, before continuing. "I... I love ya, darlin'." Hanzo startles, before replying "And I love you too, my ridiculous cowman."


End file.
